Oh Captain, My Captain
On January 13, Italian cruise ship Costa Concordia ran aground into a reef and tipped over. They’re calling it the “Italian Titanic.”
The crash is no doubt tragic, but what’s even more devastating is the recording that came out between the Captain and the Italian Port Authority. Here is a translation… or what I imagine to be the translation if the Captain was a total spastic hypochondriac.
Coast Guard: Tell me if there are women and children and what help is needed.
Captain: Hang on a minute, my leg hurts, I just tripped into a lifeboat.
Coast Guard: What are you doing? Get back on the ship! Are you refusing?
Captain: No. I’m not. I’m just resting.
Coast Guard: Are you refusing to go on board? Why are you not going back?
Captain: I’m trying but there’s a life boat in the way! The traffic out here is horrendous.
Coast Guard: Get on board, that’s an order. You ordered a rescue, now I’m in charge! Get back on the ship! Now!
Captain: I did? Alright, alright stop schvitzing, I’m going.
Coast Guard: Get going, there are already bodies! Go!
Captain: Bodies? How many? I get queasy around shipwrecks.
Coast Guard: You’re supposed to tell me this, Christ!
Captain: You know, it’s just really dark out here. And I forgot my flashlight in the other lifeboat. I can’t see a thing!
Coast Guard: Do you want to go home because it’s dark? Get on the ship and tell me whats going on!
Captain: Isn’t this what you’re paid for? Jeez, you just can’t get good service anywhere anymore.
