Choosing a single picture that accurately represents who you are as a person and what you stand for is no easy feat. Need proof? Selecting the right Facebook profile pic is like a science. Too playful? You risk scaring away potential employers. Too serious? You risk deterring stalkers who could turn into booty calls.
Some people have mastered the art, and others, well not so much. Learn from these Facebook profile pic fails and update yours accordingly…
What this pic says: “I spent a lot of money on that damn wedding and someone’s gonna see these pics.”
What this pic says: “Still haven’t lost the baby weight, but look, it was all worth it.”
What this pic says: “I am the sh*t. I am also a douche.”
What this pic says: “Can’t. Breathe. Can’t. Smile.”
What this pic says: “Can’t tell which one is me? Good. Just keep telling yourself I’m the cutest guy in every pic because I only post photos of me and a bunch of other dudes.”
What this pic says: “Whipped.”
What this pic says: “Crazy cat lady.”
What this pic says: “Pause. SUPER pause.”
For all of you uncultured people too busy getting caught up in the Kardashian saga, NANOWRIMO, or national novel writing month, is a writing competition with yourself. Think you have the drive to stop playing Angry Birds long enough to complete a 50,000 word novel in the month of November? Then you, my friend, might very well win the whole thing. The prize? Well, having written a 50,000 word novel, of course. Enticing, right? Here are some tips to help you bring home the W.
1. Make arrangements. Buy some blank tapes, set your DVR or have a friend take notes. You’ll be able to focus on your writing knowing you can catch up on all the TV you missed in December.
2. Disconnect. No facebook, twitter, or any social media of any kind. You’ve truly succeed if you friends call concerned you may have died.
3. Keep well-fed and hydrated. This is mostly for the benefit of those around you. A tired, emotionally drained writer is one thing, but a hungry tired, emotionally drained writer is just plain dangerous.
4. Avoid moving billboards. You’re going to be seeing lots of words floating before your eyes when you’re writing–you don’t need to make it any worse.
5. 5-hour Energy. Yes, it probably contains some deadly drug that the FDA will ban in a few years, but you’re going to need enough to last you at least 720 hours.
Like wild animals organized into species, Facebook friends can be grouped and categorized. Some annoy, others entertain and then, of course, there are the stalkers.
Not sure where you and your friends stand? Read these four types and see where you all fall. Might be time to brush up on these.
Think your significant other, your roommate, your best friend. Every time you read Ben just had a delicious hot dog or Michelle really wants new pants, you groan because you know you just shared the hot dog with Ben or you helped Michelle spot the pants. The problem with redundants is the close relationship. Hide their feed and you’ll have to explain to them why you did it when you’re forced to admit you didn’t see that cool video he/she posted. Sorry, you just have to suck it up and keep reading updates about things you just did.
The Secret Police
Think your great aunt who hasn’t mastered Microsoft Word but somehow became a top scorer on Farmville. Or the daughter of your mom’s best friend who still holds the Barbie beheading against you. Basically, the secret police are those people who’s requests you accepted out of a sense of duty, then promptly forgot about. That is until your mom called asking about your new boyfriend or what you were really doing Friday night because this supposed “friend” couldn’t keep his/her mouth shut. Even if you are careful not to friend people you’d really rather not have access to your photo albums, there’s a chance you’re still letting in spies with direct lines to said relatives. Or even worse, you are the spy.
Almost everyone has a collection of barely-acquaintances: that kid you met at that one party, the guy you had two trig classes with before you dropped it, etc. In an effort to streamline your feed you might consider hiding their updates, but they always suck you back in. Maybe she’s a train wreck you just can’t look away from or maybe he’s an artist who posts his beautiful work (more likely, the train wreck, though). Either way, they keep your feed interesting and that’s why you keep them around.
Not limited to former lovers, this category also covers ex-roommates, friends and even bosses. It’s important to note, however, that there are two important subcategories within this “type.” First, there are the genuinely interesteds and then there are the unhealthy obsessions. If you suspect most of exes fall into the former, you should be fine. Keep them around for occasional updates on your shared past, the way you might look at the IMDB page of your favorite child actress to see if she has any projects coming up. If, however, there is even a chance that your exes are the latter, log off Facebook. Right now.
Easily one of our favorite Joss Whedon quotes.
Words to live by. Literally.